Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi Ashley, I'm glad you're here today. I think people are going to be shocked when I tell you what one company has chosen to do for a team building exercise for their organization. I saw it and thought, oh, this cannot actually be real. So thanks for being here, I'm happy you're here. How are you feeling about just chatting about these different things that are on Reddit with managers and team members?

Speaker 2: 0:25

I love it. Thank you for inviting me to do this. It's real experiences in the real world. So if we can talk about it and help people through it or just be like this is what you don't do necessarily in your workplace, I think it will be beneficial for everybody.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Exactly. Sometimes, teaching good leadership is by highlighting really bad leadership this poor person. On Reddit they put a post up and it was about a team building workshop that their boss has organized and it's a full day workshop, 10 till 4. So I'm not going to read you everything that's scheduled, but there's scheduled things from 10 to 4, with only a short lunch break, and I was shocked. People are not going to believe this.

Speaker 1: 1:13

So just a quick little background. So the manager had started seeing a massage therapist and the massage therapist is a spiritual guide. So the spiritual guide is telling the manager hey, I do team building workshops. So he put out what the agenda was and then this poor team member sends into Reddit and says is this appropriate? Because this doesn't feel right to me. And of course, I was one of the first people to jump on with a giant like red flag get the hell out, run, run. Let me read you some of what is scheduled for that day. And remember it's a massage therapist. Okay. So here's some of the things how emotional suppression impacts creativity, productivity and collaboration. Okay, and then we go on to reflective exercise on identifying the root of long held patterns. Oh, that's very deep, very deep. So this goes on and on, with all of these guided practices to release mental and physical tension, to heal past wounds. Exploring how attention impacts energy, individual sharing of what has come to the surface emotionally.

Speaker 2: 2:35

And this is a massage therapist, not a therapist.

Speaker 1: 2:39

And what kills me is, one of the topics is healthy boundaries, and that's what they're crossing over. Crossing over every healthy boundary, a mindful eating practice, sharing circle on current mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. This is as a group, with your team members. Tell me what your feedback is with just hearing this for the first time.

Speaker 2: 3:05

First of all, my first thought is again, a massage therapist in the workplace. Putting this agenda together, it doesn't connect whatsoever. They're asking for extreme vulnerability that I think people individuals will even have a hard time talking to their individual therapist about, let alone in a group setting like that, with your team members who you're probably not as close with sharing all that information. I think that's crossing over boundaries and that's just setting them up for failure. There's no growth happening out of those.

Speaker 1: 3:40

No there's no growth. If anything, it could be the opposite. Here's my professional take. You know, I started as a counselor, a private counselor, before I went into coaching and all of this leadership training, and there were fine lines even between counseling and therapy, and then certainly big lines between coaching and therapy. So I had to choose a route and I had to stay in my lane. And when I was doing counseling, one thing I did tell people is I'm never going to drag things out of you that you don't want to talk about. So if you want to bring anything to the surface or anything pops up that you want to talk about, you're going to have to be the one that tells me, because I think yanking things out causes a whole lot of harm.

Speaker 1: 4:25

For this to be happening in a corporate setting as a group is so irresponsible. And that massage therapist I feel manipulated. This person who's probably really excited because you know he's just started doing these massages Probably the spiritual conversation for him might be something that's really working for him and helping him and he's probably leaving feeling really good, which I'm all supportive of. But now this massage therapist has manipulated the situation and basically made him feel like this is something you can bring to all of your people Right and that massage therapist or spiritual guide. This is so risky because you are not equipped or properly trained.

Speaker 1: 5:08

What if they did have a buried memory Right, something that is traumatic, that has been buried to protect them? And then you do all of this work for the day and these guided meditations and all of this stuff that ends up pulling these emotions to the top in front of their coworkers. And now you're not trained and you are not equipped to properly handle that. That is not okay. I think vulnerability is magical. I think when we, as trainers, have somebody in one of our training sessions suddenly go hey, I got to tell you, I've got to own something. I really screwed up with one of my team members the other day. I said something I shouldn't have said. That's vulnerability and we are so grateful when those moments happen, but those are organic and appropriate. This is not.

Speaker 2: 6:00

No, and that takes time to uncover for someone. Someone's just not going to walk into a session in a group of how many people and just automatically be vulnerable. That does not happen. And suppressing the whole thing about suppressing emotions. I just wonder what is the outcome they were wanting to get from this training. You know, I don't, we don't know, but what did they see? Their team all of a sudden just holding hands and all being one spiritually, that's not going to happen, right.

Speaker 1: 6:31

I think the intent from the manager was good, because you know what Kudos to him to want to dedicate a day of work like that's a work day that everybody's going to get paid for and not be doing their regular job. So kudos to him for wanting to offer them this cool experience. He's not equipped enough to understand how inappropriate that was. He was thinking, I believe, that this will be team bonding at the highest level, right. Everybody will walk away feeling closer and more connected, and that's a really great intent. That isn't how we do it. Well, what advice would you give if somebody came to you and said here's what my manager is asking us to do as a team? What advice would you give them?

Speaker 2: 7:16

I would encourage them to have an honest conversation with their boss about how it makes them feel, how they possibly could see this going, how uncomfortable they are really talking about anything like that Number one, maybe internally, outwardly, saying it outwardly, but also in front of people that are not their close circle or who they're maybe not a hundred percent comfortable with, and then what that outcome could look like. And then I would also just see, like what were you trying to get out of this, what were your expectations and goals? And just being upfront and saying I am not comfortable with this moving forward, I am all for other training, but just not this approach.

Speaker 1: 7:58

And I agree with you 100%. I think that would be the very best first step. And I would just add a part B to that, where I would say to the manager I want you to know it. Obviously, it's your choice what you choose to do. I'm giving you my reservations. I would feel confident, assuming others may be feeling the same thing. You could ask, but at the end of the day, if this is going forward, I am going to remove myself and not be in attendance.

Speaker 2: 8:25

Right, and I even feel bad for them even to have to have that conversation. Oh, they shouldn't have to. I'm sure a lot of people aren't even comfortable saying that Will they say that, or will they just attend because they feel like they have to, because their boss is telling them to? Probably, and I just you know that whole situation itself. That's just another conversation that probably shouldn't have even had to happen.

Speaker 1: 8:48

You're right, that's probably not something anybody would feel that comfortable doing. Did say to the girl that posted that you know, if you want to give your manager my name and number, message me private and I'll give it to you, because maybe hearing from a professional may help him see it from another perspective. Because, again, I think his intent was so good.

Speaker 2: 9:09

And that's even harder too for his member. If they know him and can say, well, he's really trying again, that just might be something else they feel bad even bringing up because they know his, his heart's in the right place.

Speaker 1: 9:22

It's just the wrong approach to get it there, yeah absolutely it's very tough when we're in these topics because, like I, I remember once in a company I was working with, they were offering yoga sessions in the morning, which was really kind. It was all optional, obviously it's not mandatory, but they were offering it like a half hour or an hour before work would start. I think was like a really great little perk. Right, it's right there at work.

Speaker 1: 9:47

But there was one lady who, in her religious belief, yoga was like a cult to her. She she didn't, did not think this was. She thought yoga was evil. That is just what she believed. So that put her in a weird space with it. So I did help that situation and help her see it just a little bit different and just gave her a broader look of like it's a practice and just like mindfulness or breathing Right, they're all part of yoga and I think it helped her. So whenever we're introducing spiritual topics as a corporation, we have to be super careful that we're not putting our ideas onto other people. You were manager for a long, long time and I know how strong of a faith you have. How did you walk that line? So you're careful about that at work.

Speaker 2: 10:36

I would never bring it up with any of my team members but I also spend a lot of time one-on-one with them, getting to know them. They let it. So you know a lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about their personal life or their spirituality and that is fine. We were more professional what are your professional goals? But a lot of times people came in and we did talk about their family and what they were doing on the weekend. You know that was them bringing it to me and then once I understood the relationship and how they are as a person, then those conversations would start. So if they did bring up God and spirituality and we went down that path, Then I had that conversation. I never really shared my thoughts and beliefs, it was more them opening up to me about it and how they feel strongly about it and we are in nursing, so that did play a big part into it. Um, especially when I was doing hospice related work.

Speaker 2: 11:30

That those conversations happened all the time, but that was a different setting. But it was more of them coming to me and me just building that relationship and really getting to know them for what they're comfortable with. You know, are they vulnerable or do they shut down that type of thing? Do they just want to keep it strictly work related? Let's talk about this, how we can move forward, and that was great too, but it's truly understanding and picking up on those cues and not ever, like you said, putting your beliefs on them to make them feel a certain way, exactly.

Speaker 1: 12:02

And it's about just walk the walk. If you believe in human connection, if you believe you know we are connected, if you believe in love and peace and these good values, values, just live those values. You don't have to attach them to any kind of religion or spirituality that you you think you need to push on other people. Just live your values and if people need more from you or want to know more, they will ask. But to do any kind of forced things like this?

Speaker 2: 12:32

you have to be super careful. But again, it's all about that understanding and picking up on those small cues, and you do that through conversation and truly listening to your team members. Just extremely important to know what they're about and who they are for that relationship to grow.

Speaker 1: 12:47

Well, you can agree with me or disagree with me. I want to know what you think. But when you invite your workers into a team building workshop, what is their initial reaction in your opinion?

Speaker 2: 12:58

I get the eye rolls really like we have to do that. When I was a middle manager, I required some type of self awareness or team building exercise once a quarter. That's what we were allowed and the first session of the backlash.

Speaker 1: 13:11

I got like really were allowed to do.

Speaker 2: 13:12

And the first session oh, the backlash. I got like, really, I have to come in for this. Yes, it's extremely important. We need to find out who we are, how we are as coworkers, how we are as caregivers, and then we need to come together and after the first session, it was all positive. And then the next time we did it, I changed the focus a little bit more, but they were all on board Team building.

Speaker 1: 13:36

It instantly gets you a reaction, but your team resists it. They do. They resist it. If it's done well and it's done thoughtfully and it's done without all the cringy stuff, people actually really do have fun and like it. When you did your team building, was it during working hours?

Speaker 2: 13:54

Yes, they're there at the hospital so many hours during the week and stuff like that. I always made sure the requirements are. When they were working, whether it was team building before a meeting, I would come in all night shift and do it with them Like I came to them because I really tried to value their time. That was important to them. So I was extremely flexible and I did it not during the busiest times of their shift, it was when they had some downtime so they really could focus and they didn't have all the call lights and everything going off.

Speaker 2: 14:24

So I tried to be flexible that way and I really did get a lot more engagement and I pulled them. I asked night shift what is the best time for me to come in and do anything, whether it was training, whether it was team building, one-on-ones meetings what is the best time? And they always said between 10 and 11 at night Day shift. It was harder because the shift was usually just more chaotic, but we found those down times and if that meant me meeting with them three times a day to get those groups, I did that but it was extremely beneficial and also it showed them that I'm there for them, like I'm there to support them.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Again, it's not what I think and what I say and do. It's a team approach, yeah, and the timing that you did with kids and everything else going at 10 to 11 is not your choice. Time frame says everything about you as a leader and they notice that. They see that they feel cared for. They're like, okay, she asked and then she actually did what we suggested. So I do have companies that have done optional team building or team social events. They say optional and those should be optional if they're not paid for that time. It's after work hours. Great. If you want to invite people to a staff barbecue, pool party, dinner out, comedy show, movies, if you want to offer that to your people and that's a social event that they can attend and it's not obviously paid for time, I think that's fantastic. Yes, what I don't think is okay is somehow making people feel bad if they aren't in attendance. Maybe it's somebody with a young family or somebody with health issues or a caregiver and they cannot spend more time than what they already do at work.

Speaker 2: 16:05

In the beginning we tried to do those team events outside of work hours. And again, people's life were busy and we had people with families, we had people with grandchildren, we had new brads, you know, still living at home, like it was all over the place. So what are the leaders in our division started doing? Is we started coming together and doing like big supportive events for our staff, but we would go to them to the point where we would load up carts of food or whatever it was and we would roll our cart different shifts multiple times a week to hit everybody and we came to them.

Speaker 2: 16:37

That was one thing we did very well. We were given the budget to do that. You know, we had hundreds of people in our division. It was just brainstorming how can we touch all these people and make them feel special with the budget that we had. So it was. It was night shifts, it was weekends coming in, it was day shift, of course, but we had way more engagement and they felt the support when we went to them versus them coming to us all the time, and we really took pride on that. We did different things. We did like a carnival theme and we all brought gifts, we all made food, that type of thing. We did Hawaiian stuff, just whatever was going on at the time.

Speaker 1: 17:14

Yeah, put that in my other book. When you have a work environment that's very diverse and you have lots of cultures, lots of different people, you know doing those different themes, or letting people bring, like desserts from their country, or your favorite grandmother's recipe.

Speaker 2: 17:29

I do want to say when I was a new nurse, I was working in Atlanta and our floor was so diverse and every Thursday or Friday we would bring in a different dish from our background. How we grew up, I loved it. I learned so much and in the beginning people were like, oh no. But then they started eating the food. They're like, oh, this is great. And then the conversation started outside of like a work focus. It was more on a personal level and it took off and I look forward to that every single week Wonderful women and men on the team who enjoyed cooking, so they would go all out. But it just became something and when I left that organization I missed that Like I really that was one of the highlights of the week. That connection happened over food. It was great.

Speaker 1: 18:16

And food we use to celebrate everything. That's what food does, so it makes sense to me to use it at work that way. I think it's a bonding thing. It's amazing to share those things with people, or to share festivals and celebrations that we don't have here. I think really happy we did this, ashley. I've got all kinds of stuff for us to talk about down the road. Like I said, I've been on there a lot and I'm really enjoying it. I do it a little bit in the morning and in between my appointments and just try to help people where I can, and it's also teaching me a lot. It's validating a lot of things and it's making me question some things, because we live in a really different time with AI and fast-paced and everybody wants things quick. Having these conversations with you, I think, are a lot of fun, and I'll just keep picking some Reddit topics that I think are really cool to bring to the surface and then I know they're real people.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Yes, real experiences that are out there, that some people don't even know is happening, but it is Exactly.

Speaker 1: 19:19

A reality, exactly All right. Well, thank you for doing this with me, and I will see you again soon. We'll get some more of these done. Great Thank you.